Jinx

I really think I jinxed myself on this whole TTC thing. You see, before Cycle 3 ended, I just had this marvelous, glowing feeling that I was actually pregnant! Seriously. And I wanted to do something cutesy to tell P. So I ordered bandanas for the dogs that say "I'm the big brother" (and sister, for my baby girl). And then I made the most adorable little bib on cafepress.com to give to P. It has a picture of a biscuit and says "Daddy's Little Biscuit." (P. is irrationally obsessed with biscuits; this tidbit might make this saying sound an iota less strange). And because I go for overkill, I got a really cute "Bun in the Oven" shirt.

And of course, these things now sit in a long-forgotten plastic bag in my closet. And I've no clue when or if I will ever get to unveil them.

Lame. :(

CD 1: So Begins Cycle 8

Yep. No surprise.

I want to know how I can become hopeful again.

That Was Weird

I guess my post yesterday kicked the PMS into high gear, because literally within an hour of my post I began spotting and cramping. Awesome. Let's see if I can make it past a 12 day LP this time. Weirdest thing - I'd been consistently having a 14 day LP until last cycle, when it was only 11 days long. My acupuncture doc didn't like that LP one bit. So we'll see what happens this cycle.

In other news, I got adjusted by my chiropractor yesterday & I slept a million times better last night! I had a nerve in the right side of my neck that was swollen and painful and now it is feeling normal again. Thank goodness for getting sleep! I had mentioned TTC to the doc and he mentioned that because the muscles in my lower back and around my abdomen were all out of whack pre-adjustment, there's no telling whether or not sufficient nutrients and blood supply were making their way to my reproductive organs. No promises, of course, but it will be interesting to see where things go from here between the chiropractic and the acupuncture.

BFN x 2

Not that I was really expecting a BFP. In fact, I never test this early anymore, but I've tested now on 10 and 11 DPO because I have my colonoscopy on Friday, which will be 13 DPO. And undoubtedly the hospital will make me POAS before my anesthesia. So it would be a little embarrassing if I got to the hospital and got a BFP there. Not that I would be disappointed to miss my colonoscopy, of course. But I'm guessing a cancellation that late in the game might cause some problems. Anyway, it's just slightly empowering to POAS with the full expectation that the result will be BFN. It's no consolation, let me tell you; but it's better than testing with high hopes for a positive.

That said, Holy Temp Dip! ::points to chart below:: I couldn't believe how low my temp dipped yesterday. In fact, it was 96.8 (below cover line) when I first took my temp yesterday morning, but I immediately re-took it because I was half asleep and didn't have a good grip on the thermometer. The second reading was 97.2, which I stayed with. But still very close to the cover line. I normally would be expecting AF immediately after a dip like that, but the weirdest thing this cycle is the fact that I've yet to get my typical PMS cramps and spotting. I fully expect them to show up later today, or tomorrow at the latest.

Finally, I hope to goodness that I am able to fall asleep quickly tonight after my chiropractic adjustment! It's been taking me anywhere between 1 and 2 hours to fall asleep each night because my neck hurts so badly (I have a swollen nerve thanks to being out of alignment). I simply cannot wait for my appointment this afternoon!

Stomach Inflammation is a Biatch

So I naively thought that my stomach was going to start feeling better now that I'm on Prevacid and Zantac to help reduce the acid (and hopefully inflammation). Boy, was I wrong! Yesterday morning I was gripped by the worst nausea yet. In fact, it was so bad that both ends of my system were overloaded. I practically crawled from the bathroom to the couch after emptying everything and downing my anti-nausea meds. And the meds promptly knocked me out for a while. Just what I needed: taking MORE leave time from work. Ugh.

In other news, I find that I am becoming less optimistic about TTC. I don't know why. Really, I should be happy and thankful that I'm getting all these diagnostics. But instead, I seem to be subconsciously thinking that it's inevitable that we won't be able to have kids. I know that positive thought and even visualization is necessary in order to achieve our goal, so I am slightly horrified by these thoughts that I can't seem to control. I wish I could just bang my head against a wall and have these thoughts magically fall out. Really, what is wrong with me? Even at 9 months of trying, we're really just beginning our TTC journey (at least, this is my impression). I hope that I can hold out for the long haul.

I called Quest the other day to figure out the nearest lab that can do P's SA. Unfortunately, the nearest one is 45 minutes away! And since you're really supposed to get the sample to the lab about 30 minutes after it's given, I fear that P might actually have to give his sample AT the lab. He is not at all enthused about this idea. I'm sure I could go with him...errrr, I guess I'd better call the lab and ask. Another option might be for him to call our insurance company and see if he can drop the sample off at the hospital (which is only 10 minutes away, tops). But getting him to call will be a challenge on its own. ::sigh::

Anyway, here's to some hopefully more positive thinking in the near future! I think I may actually start posting on The Nest/Bump again soon, because not having anyone to talk to about this stuff is starting to get to me.

Unloading on Others

I did something that I wasn't expecting to do the other day: I divulged to my mom that we've been TTC, and having problems with it. I can't believe that I unloaded my "secret" on her! I have talked to a few others about it - namely, my sister and my two closest friends. And I didn't plan on telling my mom, but I did. So it's out there now. And somehow that makes me feel a little better. It sort of reminds me of being a little girl and snuggling up against my mom so she could protect me from the wrongs of the world. I guess, in a way, this was the adult version of doing just that.

Hello, Pineapple!

Today I am 3 DPO, according to FF. It corresponds to my CM and +OPK, but my temperatures are not the most convincing. It would help if my temps weren't all over the place pre-O. Oh well, the acupuncture doc is keeping an eye on that. So anyway, 3 DPO = third day of pineapple. At least there's always a silver lining. I love fresh pineapple better than almost anything else in the world. :)

In a familiar punch to the gut, I was forced to give urine for a pregnancy test this morning. I went in for my upper GI endoscopy, and of course, I'm "in that age group that they have to check." Ugh. Like I haven't seen enough negatives over the past year? Throw in a low blow right as I'm getting prepped for surgery. Geesh. The good news is that I don't have an ulcer, just inflammation of the stomach (otherwise known as gastritis). I have to take Prevacid and Zantac for 6 weeks to reduce the inflammation. The doc did, however, biopsy what appears to be bacteria within my stomach. I should know something in a couple days.

Yesterday I had a CT of my abdomen and pelvis to look for fun things like liver or pancreas damage. I will see my doctor next week and find out more. I also get to have a colonoscopy next week on the same day. Awesome. The fun never stops around here!

Normal CD3 Results!

I got some good news from my OB/GYN's office: my CD3 blood work results were normal! I was honestly shocked, as my doctor overseas had gone on and on about how my hormone levels were out of balance. Shocked in a good way, though. :) And now it's P's turn -- she is ordering an SA for him. I'm sure he's thrilled... Not. Anyway, I'm going to pick up the collection cup and instructions today. From what I understand, he gets to make the deposit at home and drop it off at a lab, so that's not too bad.

In other news, I saw the acupuncturist again yesterday. He seems to think that something is going on with my liver. He looked at all my charts and explained how a problem with my liver could cause blockages in my menstrual cycle. He said it makes sense when looking at how long the follicular phase of my cycles are. It was strange printing out my charts because I've been off BCPs for 14 months now; yet I only had 9 cycles/charts to bring in. Yikes! I am really enjoying the acupuncture sessions and I love that the doc is so into nutrition - I've wanted to see a nutritionist for a while to ensure I'm getting the proper balance of nutrients in my diet.

Finally, romance is in the air with Valentine's Day tomorrow! :) All this TTC business has made sex a bit lackluster lately - it's amazing how trying to time everything for 9 months can begin to kill the spontaneity and romance that normally surrounds sex. So I really wanted to surprise P with something to spice things up (besides more lingerie - I have the largest lingerie collection around). I got several pieces from the Liberator collection, and I plan on trying them today! We both took most of the day off from work, and we have a romantic dinner on the water planned tonight. So I think we can try one piece this afternoon and maybe a combination tonight. Perfect timing, too - as I got a +OPK yesterday and my temp did not rise this morning. But I am not telling P that the timing is right...I want to get back to the spontaneous feeling :)

Happy [early] Valentine's Day everyone!

That Was Interesting

This afternoon I met with the gastroenterologist and the acupuncturist. Firs and foremost, I've been given a brief reprieve from the colonoscopy, and instead I will be having an endoscopy of the upper GI the week after next. Apparently the doc is more worried about an ulcer, and possibly a liver issue. So we wait. P gets to drag my happy butt to the hospital at 6 AM the morning of the test. I'm sure he's ecstatic.

And now for the acupuncture. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I completely believe that Chinese Medicine works. I met with the doc for the first hour, going over my extensive medical history. After that, he spent time taking my pulse at different points, investigating my tongue and my palms, and doing an interesting body scan. He says that I am exposed to some sort of chemical that is causing me problems, and he also said my biggest problem areas seem to be my ute, my ovaries and my adrenal glands! I had briefly mentioned that my cycles have been irregular, but the main reason I went today was because of the itching and digestive issues. So I found that to be very interesting indeed.

Then he placed needles in the front of my lower legs, one of my forearms, several on top of my head, two in each ear, and one right between my eyes. I could feel a few go in, and I felt tingling on top of my head while the needles were in, but it was in no way uncomfortable. He left me like that for 25 - 30 minutes, came back, took the needles out, and I was done for the day. I'll go back for four more sessions and then he will present my "plan," which will be some mixture of acupuncture, herbs and/or supplements, and dietary changes.

I have to keep a food journal to bring back next time, and he wants me to eliminate diary for one week (easy - I hardly eat any). If that doesn't help my GI issues, he wants me to eliminate wheat for a week. Now that will be much more difficult, obviously. Although my grains consist mainly of oatmeal and brown rice...so I think I'll live. He also wants me to bring in my FF charts next time; in fact, he is familiar with Fertility Friend! Anyway, I am excited to get this show on the road. More soon!

Freaking Temp Fluctuations

Dear body, WTF is this?  ::points down to chart:: Why on Earth do my temperatures fluctuate so much?  You know all this does is piss me off.  Argh.

Something that is kind of interesting (but still annoys me) is the fact that my temperatures used to be much lower (and more consistent) than they have been over the past year. In fact, when I was going through my Lyme diagnosis debacle back in the day, one morning my temperature literally registered at 94.4 on my basal thermometer. I thought that I had done something wrong or the battery was dying, so I took my temp on a fever thermometer and it was 94.6. My doctor didn't believe me when I told her that. When I looked around on the interwebs, I discovered that generally anything below 95 degrees is considered hypothermia. WTF? My body is so bizarre. I've never registered a temp that low since then, but I have gone below 96 on several other occasions. But strangely enough, my temps have been relatively high as of late. Weird.

Anyway, I fasted last night and went in for my blood draw this morning. I broke a new personal record - I gave TEN (10!!!!) vials of blood this morning! I actually felt OK afterwards, although I've been feeling very nauseated since getting home. I'm glad I went ahead and took the whole day off. I dropped off my prescription for anti-nausea meds this morning, but it won't be ready for a while (my fault - I didn't feel like waiting). Anyway, I'm going to attempt to take a nap before my gastroenterologist appointment this afternoon. With any luck, I might get a little more sleep since I tossed and turned with nausea last night! Oh, the joys of mystery diseases...

Well Now, That Sort of Sucks

The battery of tests that began when I was overseas are about to resume.  More blood work tomorrow.  A pre-colonoscopy visit with a gastroenterologist on Thursday.  An abdominal CT in a couple weeks.  And the actual colonoscopy  to be scheduled.  Oy vey.

I just hope that there will be some answers in all of this.  Whether regarding TTC or not, I need to feel somewhat normal!  :)

In other news, P and I may completely miss my fertile window this month.  I guess it all depends.  If I stay consistent and O around CD 25 - 27, then we might have perfect timing, actually.  But I am very aware of the way my body behaves - like a puppy that's had no training, basically!  With my luck, I'll O tomorrow.  Oh well, only time will tell.

Looking Forward to this Week

I'm trying to be positive about this week and its potential!

First, I have an appointment with a nurse practitioner on Tuesday morning to discuss the...errrr...digestive problems I've been experiencing for the past few weeks.  I called on Friday morning after vomiting, and wouldn't you know that my stomach has been acting more normal since then?  Well, with the exception of not being able to eat much food without feeling ill.  I guess it's good to get in anyway, even if there's not much she'll be able to do for me.  At the very least, I'll make a new patient appointment with the doctor that I'd like to start seeing as my GP; he works in the same office as the nurse practitioner, which is how I found her in the first place.

And second, I have the aforementioned acupuncture appointment on Thursday.  I am very excited about that.  I just hope the acupuncture doc isn't overwhelmed by my complaints -- digestive problems, itching all over my body, wacky menstrual cycles, OH MY!  I found this acupuncturist via good online reviews, so I have a lot of hope.  If nothing else, it will be interesting!

Other than that, not too much.  P's going out of town for work for the week tomorrow.  Our living room furniture gets delivered Wednesday.  As much as I dislike being by myself, part of me is looking forward to a few days alone.  I'm envisioning some yoga sessions in the living room, fun solo walks with the dogs, maybe a chick flick or two.  :)  What sucks is when P comes home this weekend, I fly out a few hours later for a business trip.  However, we're both playing hooky Friday the 13th and have an excellent dinner planned on the town.  And we have fun plans for Valentine's Day as well.  And, if my wacky cycles stay somewhat consistent this time...I should be O'ing right around that time.  Here's to hoping it works out (and I don't end up O'ing while we're apart)!