I Just Realized...

...that with my travel schedule for work this summer - and our big vacation for our 5th anniversary in August/September - that if the RE wants to start cycling us, we won't really be able to start until October. October?! Noooooo!!!

Let me tell you, I am NOT a patient person. Infertility is definitely NOT for impatient, Type A personalities like myself. :(

I don't know. When we go back for our 2nd consult and "game plan" appointment with the RE (likely right before or after 4th of July), I'll have to bring my planner so we can discuss my crazy schedule. Maybe he can start me on Clomid and P. and I can attempt TI (though it's kind of hard to get TI right when the two partners will be separated often!). But then again, even with Clomid I'd need to be around for monitoring, wouldn't I?

Argh. I am so frustrated with my travel schedule right now. And I am so worried that when we go back to the RE, he's going to tell us IVF is our only option anyway. I so need to stop stressing over things that I simply can't control (easier said than done!).

Anyway. In other news, I had a serious talk with my manager yesterday. I told her all the things that I see as "going awry" in our organization, why I am hating work, the fact that I had to go on anti-anxiety meds, and eventually told her I'd give this job until the end of July. That's when I will make an assessment as to whether I can stick it out, or if I need to find something else. She was really great about it and took responsibility for poor communication and other issues. She also made concessions to try to help me in the short term. And she assured me she would touch base with a local manager to see if they have a position that might work for me. We'll see if all this comes to fruition or not. This will be one of the litmus tests for my assessment at the end of July.

In the meantime, back to the stress of the daily grind. I get to go to southern VA on a business trip next week - lucky me! ::sarcasm:: I guess that's a problem with me living in beautiful, sunny Florida -- I never want to leave. :)

OH. And also? Today is CD2. :( Yesterday I woke up with the WORST.CRAMPS.EVER. Compete suckage, I tell you.

So Confused

I know I've been missing in action lately. With P. gone and being on a TTC break cycle, I didn't have much to say. :)

I guess I could have blogged about how my little sister told me she and her husband are now officially TTC, but I refrained because the first few days were a little emotional for me. Don't get me wrong - I wish them all the best in their TTC journey, of course! And I completely look forward to having biological niece(s)/nephew(s)! But...well...I'm sure you can imagine how I would feel if they are successful before us, after P. and I have been trying for a while.

Anyway. So this cycle completely doesn't matter because we've had no baby-making sex; however, I am still confused about what's going on. My last two cycles, I've only had an 11 day LP. Today is 13 DPO for me. I also normally spot a few days before AF shows up, but as of today...nada. I'd like for my LP to go back to 13-14 days like it used to be, so this could be good news. But it's still pretty confusing. Additionally, I had almost no CM this cycle. Seriously. So while my chart shows a clear thermal shift, I had nothing to go by in the CM department. Please get with the program, body!

Also: I've been experiencing hella cramps the past 5 days...but only while I'm doing cardio. WTF? That is very strange. This morning was horrible. I was jogging on the treadmill and suddenly was gripped with the most painful freaking cramps of all time. I got hot and dizzy. They felt like PMS cramps, but then I realized with some horror that I had to move my bowels in the most urgent way! Ugh. So I actually had to STOP the treadmill and run to the bathroom. I was only 1/2 way through my workout at that point, so I decided to return to my workout after this, er, event. (Meanwhile, I KNOW people were watching and knew exactly why I left the treadmill and ran to the bathroom...how freaking embarrassing!)

So I started jogging again, but the cramps progressively got so bad that I had to give up. And I have an enormous tolerance for pain, so you can imagine how irritated I was by this. But I was in so much pain! So I slowed down, came to a stop, and basically ran to my car. Drove home (we only live a few minutes away) and only began to feel better after sitting down for about 20 minutes - and "going" 2 more times. (Sorry if this is TMI...but hey, it's my blog!) WTF? This is really bizarre behavior, even for my messed up self. Argh.

That Was Weird

I guess my post yesterday kicked the PMS into high gear, because literally within an hour of my post I began spotting and cramping. Awesome. Let's see if I can make it past a 12 day LP this time. Weirdest thing - I'd been consistently having a 14 day LP until last cycle, when it was only 11 days long. My acupuncture doc didn't like that LP one bit. So we'll see what happens this cycle.

In other news, I got adjusted by my chiropractor yesterday & I slept a million times better last night! I had a nerve in the right side of my neck that was swollen and painful and now it is feeling normal again. Thank goodness for getting sleep! I had mentioned TTC to the doc and he mentioned that because the muscles in my lower back and around my abdomen were all out of whack pre-adjustment, there's no telling whether or not sufficient nutrients and blood supply were making their way to my reproductive organs. No promises, of course, but it will be interesting to see where things go from here between the chiropractic and the acupuncture.

Health Insurance Snob

OK, so I fully admit that I am a health insurance snob.  I get the highest coverage PPO that my company provides, and I pay handsomely for it.  Consequently, I expect certain things, like not being required to gain referrals for specialists and the like.

Yesterday, I somehow stumbled upon a Lyme Disease specialist.  The only one in Florida.  And he is in my area!  With my recent symptom flares, I was quite excited at this find, and I called the office immediately to schedule an appointment.  Only to find that this doctor requires referrals from GPs and/or PCPs!  WTF?

I was taken aback at first, but I suppose I can understand the need for this system now.  With so few Lyme specialists in the U.S., these docs are probably inundated by people who have been diagnosed and those who think they might have the disease.  So OK, I get their policy.

My problem: I still need to find a primary doctor.  ::sigh::  I admit, I have been avoiding it.  First of all, I've only been in this area for six months.  Second of all, I work from home and basically know nobody around here to ask for recommendations.  P doesn't like his coworkers very much and probably wouldn't trust their recommendations.  I've searched on Angie's List and just haven't found what I'm looking for.

I wouldn't be so picky if I hadn't experienced such sub par primary care in the past.  However, I need to get over my hangups and get my arse in gear.  I just need to pick someone and make an appointment.  Most doctors give me the blank look when I go over my lengthy medical history, so I'm sure nobody would have a problem referring me off to a specialist anyway.

So this week's to do's are:

1. Find a primary doc
2. Make an appt. for acupuncture

::Takes a Tylenol for ongoing cramps and slinks off to get butt in gear::

Fresh Start

I started bleeding last night.  Which means two things:

1. I had the most horrible cramps last night, making sleep all but impossible.

2. I get to go in for my CD3 blood work tomorrow morning, with the timing being just about right.

And so, I have a fresh start.  A new cycle (Cycle #7 TTC), and a new look at my hormone levels.  Hopefully this will give me some answers.  If not, then I guess P gets to get busy with himself at a lab.  :)  Ha!

I'm going to try to be optimistic for the remainder of the night, despite the horrible cramping that has me lying on a heating pad!