Saturday, April 18, 2009

Eff My Life

I am in such a foul mood today. First of all, I dropped P. off at the airport for his 2 week, overseas business trip. Bah. This took place after this morning's ginormously failed attempt at lovin'. I've been enthusiastically checking my CM in the hopes of an earlier - or even normal (!!!) - ovulation due to my supplements or whatever. But as usual, it's been pretty pathetic. So anyway, I sorta forgot about this when we were about to get it on this morning... Imagine my, er, embarrassment when I had nothing going on down there. So to remedy the situation, I ran to the bathroom to apply my trusty Pre-seed. Real spontaneous, romantic and fun - right? By the time I got back to bed, P. had apparently lost the urge.

So now he's gone for 2 weeks, I didn't get any, and I ended up having an emotional breakdown in the bedroom this morning thanks to this. It wasn't even going to be baby-making sex, for crying out loud! It should have just been fun! But no, I've come to find out this whole stupid TTC crap bleeds over into every aspect of our sex life, and the pressure is freaking unbearable. I am so bitter that we're going through all this while so many couples don't ever have to bother with temping, CM & CP checking, pineapple, supplements, Pre-Seed, green tea, OPKs....forever and ever, effing amen.

So Eff My Life. That's all I have to say.

By the time I start my next cycle, it will have been a year since we started TTC. The dreaded year. And to think of the hopefulness we started out with. It seems so ridiculous now.

And to add insult to freaking injury... I just got in from walking the dogs, and a little girl asked why I wouldn't let her pet my male dog. I told her it's because he's very protective of me (which is true, but honestly he seems to hate most kids and would like to chase them). She asked, "Do you have kids?" I said no. She said, "Oh! It's probably because he's never been around kids then."

The fact that a 7 or 8 year-old kid can make me come home and bawl like a baby? Absolutely pathetic.

Like I said, Eff. My. Life.

ETA: I am glad that I have copious amounts of wine chilling in the fridge right now. I think I deserve at least a glass or two and a nice hot bath. Heck, it seems like I'm always trying to console myself lately. I hate how frequent my pity parties have become.

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