BFN...But What Else Did I Expect?

I didn't want to get my hopes up. I told myself that the vitamins - and now chiropractic treatment - for P. would likely not result in "super sperm" that would spontaneously impregnate me. But still, I was up early yesterday morning at 10 DPO, peeing in a cup. Not even the hint of a line - not even an evap line after an hour!! But what else is new? Certainly the disappointment, pain, and self-doubt are not. And FF likes to slap me in the face by reducing my "early pregnancy signs" to 12 points. Awesome. Thanks, FF!

So what's next? P.'s second SA is on Friday. At which point we need to schedule our next consult with the RE to figure out the plan of action. I'm debating whether or not to schedule this for before or after our long 4th of July weekend, which will be spent with my pregnant sister and brother-in-law. What if we get new that I'm not ready to hear? Then after our visit would be better, I'm thinking. But I hate to push things out even farther. I don't know.

I am just terrified that we're going to be advised to proceed directly to IVF w/ICSI. I know this is not necessarily a logical fear given the fact that we still have no clue where P.'s numbers are. I should assume the best, right? How I wish I could, how I wish I could.

Anyway. So here I am, 11 DPO with spotting in full force and just waiting for AF to start. The only silver lining I can find is the fact that I seem to have O'd a few days earlier than normal -- ALMOST making a "normal" cycle, in fact. That's a good thing, right? Right? Though, having never received a positive OPK reading...of course I'm wondering if I am, in fact, ovulating? Why do I even let myself worry about this so much? Really, what's the point? I need to just pop my BuSpar and stop thinking about this sh*t.

In other news, P. made homemade vanilla ice cream this evening because I wanted it. Does he not completely rock? I love this man, I really do!

BFN x 2

Not that I was really expecting a BFP. In fact, I never test this early anymore, but I've tested now on 10 and 11 DPO because I have my colonoscopy on Friday, which will be 13 DPO. And undoubtedly the hospital will make me POAS before my anesthesia. So it would be a little embarrassing if I got to the hospital and got a BFP there. Not that I would be disappointed to miss my colonoscopy, of course. But I'm guessing a cancellation that late in the game might cause some problems. Anyway, it's just slightly empowering to POAS with the full expectation that the result will be BFN. It's no consolation, let me tell you; but it's better than testing with high hopes for a positive.

That said, Holy Temp Dip! ::points to chart below:: I couldn't believe how low my temp dipped yesterday. In fact, it was 96.8 (below cover line) when I first took my temp yesterday morning, but I immediately re-took it because I was half asleep and didn't have a good grip on the thermometer. The second reading was 97.2, which I stayed with. But still very close to the cover line. I normally would be expecting AF immediately after a dip like that, but the weirdest thing this cycle is the fact that I've yet to get my typical PMS cramps and spotting. I fully expect them to show up later today, or tomorrow at the latest.

Finally, I hope to goodness that I am able to fall asleep quickly tonight after my chiropractic adjustment! It's been taking me anywhere between 1 and 2 hours to fall asleep each night because my neck hurts so badly (I have a swollen nerve thanks to being out of alignment). I simply cannot wait for my appointment this afternoon!