%*#$ You, Jim & Pam!

Let me preface this by saying that I love The Office. It is the only show on television that I watch regularly, because I am just not that big of a TV watcher quite honestly. Sometimes I'll start watching a show, but then I get bored and end up on the Internet and realize that I didn't pay any attention to what was on TV. But that never happens with The Office; the Macbook stays firmly shut from 9:00 - 9:30 PM on Thursdays!

So during last night's episode, when the Corporate volleyball team insisted Pam go to the hospital to get her ankle checked out...I knew something was up. I'm just awesome like that. :P And then when the nurse asked her if there was any chance she could be pregnant, and Pam brushed it off...well, I knew what was coming, but it was like everything started happening in slow motion and I couldn't stop watching. It was like a train wreck, except the "wreck" part of it was simply the projection of what's going on in my life.

Yes, Internet, I know it's just a TV show. But still, watching Jim's excited reaction when Pam broke the good news... It was like someone had kicked me in the stomach. P., who was lying next to me, thought he was clever when he stated, "Oh, she's pregnant!" I gave him some rude and flippant response about how - duh! - I'd seen that coming from a mile away. And then I promptly rolled my back toward the TV and tried to go to sleep for about an hour and a half.

The fact that a TV show could get me that worked up? Pathetic! Ugh. I do not want to be that person. Maybe I do need a swift kick to the stomach. Or about 10 shots of Patron. Either way.

Ugh

Well, we did accomplish our furniture shopping yesterday, but boy did I feel awful the entire time we were out!  Geesh.  I finally managed to down some saltines and a bit of tomato soup last night.  No thanks to Target, where they had a display of super smelly dryer sheets stacked right next the checkout line that we chose.  I almost tossed cookies right there in the store.  I'm very confused about why smells are bothering me right now.  I suppose the blessing is the fact that this is happening after my period, rather than before my period when I would have interpreted this as a possible pregnancy sign.

This morning I woke up with a sore throat and pounding head.  I just hope I don't have the flu.

Anyway, I am hoping to hear something about my CD3 blood results this week.  It would be nice to have some answers and some sort of course of action.  I know P won't be overly thrilled about submitting a sample if my results come back normal, but he's the other half to this equation and I know he'll do it promptly so we can get this show on the road.  If it even comes to that, of course.  I'm expecting some abnormalities in my results anyway, considering the inconsistencies that were found about 15 months ago.  All we can do is wait and see for now.

Right now I am taking it one day at a time, and I am really concentrating on feeling joy for women who are pregnant right now.  I so do not want to become bitter.  It's a constant internal struggle, believe me.  However, bitterness will not produce anything besides unhappiness, so I know it's something that must be controlled.  All I can do is look forward to the unbelievable happiness that awaits me, too.  One day.