Severe MFI

And there it is, we have the Dx that we were hoping not to have. :(

I'm still pretty numb, even though I had fully prepared myself for bad news. The counts were SO much lower than I was expecting, though; I was really thinking they would be borderline. P. had a hernia when he was born and had surgery within days of birth. Come to find out, this is probably the very thing that has caused his IF.

So what's next? Our RE basically said there is no point in trying anything other than IVF w/ICSI. He gave us a chance of less than 5% with IUI, and 65% with IVF and ICSI.

I just don't know for sure how I feel about IVF yet. More than anything, I just can't imagine how amplified the emotional roller coaster would be once we cross that line. When not only are you praying for a BFP, but you're spending thousands of dollars and investing hours into monitoring appointments and self injections.

Am I strong enough for all of this?

If we do it, I am leaning toward a split donation cycle -- where I would donate half my eggs during our IVF cycle. This would reduce the cost by half, but more importantly it would enable me to help someone else. And quite honestly, I'm pretty sure there is no way that I could handle more than one cycle of IVF. Not only would we be spending money that could be saved toward adoption (down the road), but I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle everything else involved.

Ugh. I really, really hate this. I also hate the fact that P. is calling himself "faulty" and feeling as though all of this is his fault. I know that everything happens for a reason and that God has a greater plan for us, but really? I can't help but think this is so unfair, though it happens to millions of other couples. :( I just wish we all could have it as easy as others!