Another Punch to the Gut

I've been anxiously awaiting some correspondence via snail mail for the past couple weeks. I'll save that explanation for another time, but the general idea is important to understand. So yesterday afternoon, despite the fact we were having a torrential downpour, I literally ran out to the mail box after I heard the truck go by.

I get back into the house, thoroughly drenched. Yet I tear excitedly through the stack of mail, coming to the last piece in disappointment because what I've been waiting for has not arrived.

And what, pray tell, is this last piece of mail? Nothing other than a brochure from Blue Cross/Blue Shield (my health insurance provider) that asks - on the cover, in big bold letters - "Could a baby be in your future?" And then goes on to explain that as soon as I find out I am pregnant, I should call their advice line to get tips for maintaining a healthy pregnancy.

What.the.&%$#?? BC/BS - you guys know better than anyone that I am seeing an RE. Therefore, if you had an iota of common sense and/or sensitivity, you'd realize that sending this propaganda to someone who's experiencing IF might not be the best idea ever. Thanks for further inundating me with pregnant belly overload; as if I don't see cute baby bumps every time I leave the house, now you've made sure the images can penetrate my fortress of solitude. I have nowhere to hide and be alone with my empty ute.

::sobs::

One Interview Down + Crazy Temps

I think the interview yesterday went well! Honestly, I was so nervous about the technical requirements of the job description that the thought of canceling the interview seriously entered my mind about two hours before it was scheduled to take place. But I manned up, set my expectations very low, and went in with my chin up. As it turns out, I had nothing to worry about. The hiring manager was very pleased with my background, and he seemed to hint that I'd be called back for the second round of interviews. Part of me is actually a little excited about the prospect of all this, especially considering how the company found me. I mean, you always hear about things that are "meant to be." Could this be one of them? We shall see. I did send out a hand written thank you card today, per proper interviewing etiquette. :)

In other news... What.The.%$#&. is going on with my temperatures? Seriously? Now FF is all confused by the fluctuations and has decided that I might have O'd on CD13. Um, FF...I have never, in the history of mankind, O'd that early. Additionally, all I am getting are negative OPKs. And if I did O that early, I'd be screwed (no pun intended) in that we have not gotten busy due to someone not feeling well and/or being tired all the time. ::sigh:: I got P. to the gym twice over the past week, but I need to keep him going so he'll have more energy. I feel like the Energizer Bunny, who apparently married Eeyore. Sheesh.

OK, more soon. I'm just looking forward to the weekend at this point!

OMG - Houston, We Have an Interview!

So. Nervous.

I have my first in-person interview in years scheduled for Wednesday. It's for a position that I really don't think I qualify for when it comes to technical skills. But the weird thing is, I didn't apply for it. The company's VP for HR found me. Little, incompetent me, of all people.

Anyway, I've worked for my company for the past 9 years and haven't interviewed in at least 4. And those interviews 4 years ago were all accomplished over the phone. So I know I am going to be a complete and utter nervous wreck come Wednesday.

This job is really more of a management position than I would like, and it's an the same industry, which I'd honestly like to leave. But the location is perfect - actually very near our house. And it has the potential to be far more interesting than my current job, at least. And there most likely would not be an insane amount of travel involved.

So, we'll see. I'm not getting my hopes up or anything. But just the fact that I have finally been invited for an interview has immensely improved my self-confidence, and that's something I've been lacking for a long time.

in TTC news, my body is confusing me as usual. I had some fertile patches of CM very early in this cycle, but that seems to be gone now. I hate when my body tricks me into believing that maybe, just maybe I will O at a decent time for once. Argh.

Anyway, that's it for now. I've got prosecco chilling and I think I'm going to pop it open and go to town. A girl needs to forget her woes now and then. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Must Find New Job Immediately

No, I didn't get laid off. Things were really shaky on my project for the past 3 weeks, but word on the street is that we officially have "authority to proceed" with work at this point. Of course, when you seriously dislike your job, this isn't necessarily great news.

But the reason I have revamped my resume (yet again) and have been applying for positions like a crazy woman is because now that the project is starting, the ridiculous business travel schedule is coming out. And it appears that I would be out of town not only during O for this cycle, but also for next cycle.

Are you effing kidding me? Right after my HSG, when the RE told us to really try to get things done naturally post-tube flushing??

And not only that, but fast forward a few months (should we not be successful naturally) & imagine we have to begin cycling. How the &%$# am I supposed to go in constantly for monitoring appointments - never mind insemination or retrieval/transfer or whatever - when I can get sent places at the drop of a hat?

This just isn't going to work. I must find a new job. For our marriage, my sanity, and any shot we have at procreating. So let the search begin (or continue, as it were). Please, please, PLEASE come through for me, Lord!

In other news, my sister texted me and saw the babe during the u/s! I am waiting for her to call and tell me everything. She's been extremely sick for about the past week, but she's smart enough that she hasn't complained about it that much to me. :)

Make it Stop!

Oh.my.God. I woke up this morning feeling extremely sick to my stomach. At first, I thought it was just cramps & tried to go back to sleep. Once I got up, I realized I felt nauseated, yet strangely hungry at the same time. So I ate a few cookies (breakfast of champions?). And now I feel like the room is spinning.

Ugh. I'm not sure if this is some after-effect of yesterday's medical festival, or the ice cream in which I indulged. It's probably the latter, but I'll blame it on the former.

All Clear!

Wow, the HSG today ended up going much better than I expected, for the most part! The part that surprised me: the "pain" was really no more uncomfortable than a regular pap. ::sigh of relief::

The only complication, per se, was the fact that the doc was having a hard time inserting the catheter all the way! He tried one, started the dye, and it started pouring out on the table. So he switched to another catheter; same thing happened. As you can imagine, I was getting really nervous at this point. I could feel my legs shaking. Then when the doc asked, "Are you sure you've never had an abnormal pap?" - I almost passed out because I was certain that I had some major structural deformity.

But the third time was the charm. I watched on the screen as the dye slowly started filling my ute and then trickling out my tubes! My doc said he was sending "extra dye through" to help clear everything, and he mentioned how this helps boost fertility. So I guess we can hope that the vitamins will help P. & the HSG will help me! My cycles will still be wacky, of course, but we can always hope.

Speaking of vitamins, I saw my acupuncture doc this afternoon & he had me pick up some Wheat Germ Oil to add to P.'s regimen; apparently it packs a powerful combo of selenium and vitamin E.

After P. & I left the RE's office, we went out for lunch. We were hoping to hit up a German restaurant in the area, but it wasn't open for lunch today. :( But that's OK - we found a new Greek place and had yummy meals. And then we hit up Coldstone Creamery so I could pack on a couple extra pounds! I got the Mint Mint Chocolate Chocolate Chip and went overboard with a medium size cup, but boy was it fantastic! I totally didn't *need* it, but it was a comforting consolation prize for having to go through such a crazy procedure as that HSG. I wasn't going to back down on my demands for ice cream even though the procedure didn't really hurt. I'm not completely lacking in common sense! :P

Update: I started feeling some cramping about 5 hours after my HSG and popped another Rx Naproxen. It's sort of knocking out the cramping, but not totally. It's not horrible, just enough to be annoying. And I am sooooo sleepy, probably from getting so worked up over the whole thing today. So while I should be going to an exercise class in which I am enrolled, I think I'm going to stay home and relax tonight. That's something I don't do enough of anyway.

Proud of Myself: 3 Columns!

I am proud of myself for one thing, Internet: I converted the blizz-og to a 3 column format!! Woot! I couldn't have done it without this helpful link that JLT provided on her blog recently.

I was having problems applying a cute template until I downloaded the image, resized it, uploaded and reapplied...but I found that I actually like it better when the sizing is wrong. So if you think my birdies on the side look weird because they're cut off...yeah, the sizing is wrong, but it's a LOT easier to read my text without all the graphics in the way. And I still get a little glimpse of some cute little birds. That's how I like it, so that's how it's gonna stay for now. My blog, my rules. :)

Now I just need to find the time to convert my IRL blog & I will be very proud of my accomplishments for once!