Everything Sucks

I finished work for the evening just 30 minutes ago, and burst into tears when I realized it was already bed time. This came after crying in public while sitting by myself at a bar (awesome), and a gasping cry while talking to my husband on the phone (during which I burst into fresh tears multiple times).

This job has officially robbed me of my sanity, and IF has robbed me of my hope. When you combine the two, there's little left but an empty shell of what used to be a happy, optimistic girl.

I'm not quite sure what to do yet. All I know is that I cannot continue on the same path. This is all wrong. Something has to give.

Shoot. I just realized that the RE's office said I can call tomorrow for the results of the second SA. Our next consult is scheduled after the 4th of July. Besides the fact that I will probably not have time to call tomorrow, I'm not even sure if I want to know the results before we talk to the doctor. It might just stress me out more. I don't know. What would you do?

%*#$ You, Jim & Pam!

Let me preface this by saying that I love The Office. It is the only show on television that I watch regularly, because I am just not that big of a TV watcher quite honestly. Sometimes I'll start watching a show, but then I get bored and end up on the Internet and realize that I didn't pay any attention to what was on TV. But that never happens with The Office; the Macbook stays firmly shut from 9:00 - 9:30 PM on Thursdays!

So during last night's episode, when the Corporate volleyball team insisted Pam go to the hospital to get her ankle checked out...I knew something was up. I'm just awesome like that. :P And then when the nurse asked her if there was any chance she could be pregnant, and Pam brushed it off...well, I knew what was coming, but it was like everything started happening in slow motion and I couldn't stop watching. It was like a train wreck, except the "wreck" part of it was simply the projection of what's going on in my life.

Yes, Internet, I know it's just a TV show. But still, watching Jim's excited reaction when Pam broke the good news... It was like someone had kicked me in the stomach. P., who was lying next to me, thought he was clever when he stated, "Oh, she's pregnant!" I gave him some rude and flippant response about how - duh! - I'd seen that coming from a mile away. And then I promptly rolled my back toward the TV and tried to go to sleep for about an hour and a half.

The fact that a TV show could get me that worked up? Pathetic! Ugh. I do not want to be that person. Maybe I do need a swift kick to the stomach. Or about 10 shots of Patron. Either way.